My Journey so far…
Hey there! My name is Angie, and I’ve been referenced differently for years. Some refer to me as an oracle, others have called me a witch. I’ve also gotten: psychic, healer, fortune teller, shaman (this one didn’t make sense), or just plain crazy! I personally prefer the title of “spiritual advisor”, but won’t be offended by the other names. In this section of my page, I’ll be detailing some of my personal experiences with spirituality and what led up to it. On my FAQ page I will be providing information on how you can start your own journey and questions I’m always asked.
some backstory; TW: molestation, suicidal ideation, drugs, mental health
I was born in Utah and I’m the youngest of seven on my maternal side, and 1 out of at least 20 on my paternal side. I grew up around my mother’s side my entire life and have a major age gap between myself and all of my other siblings. Consequently, I was left feeling quite abandoned while growing up. I was in a lively, fun home to start off with, and then my siblings quickly started to leave the nest and I eventually was completely alone. The reasoning behind me feeling so alone was because my household was extremely abusive. I’ll spare you all the details, but I suffered extreme mental health symptoms due to my upbringing which involved being molested from ages 6-11, and being emotionally/mentally abused for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression at a young age and put on all sorts of medications. My therapist recommended I be removed from public schooling in high school in order to not harm myself, but this just left me feeling even more alone. I partied hardcore from ages 15-17 instead of paying attention to school. Nobody was ever home so I had people over every other night and saw myself going down an insanely dark path. I was self medicating and using escapism to avoid facing what had happened in my childhood. At this point, the memories had yet to resurface. My family initially moved out of Utah when I was around 5/6yrs old, spirituality or any form of religion was heavily banished from my home. Unfortunately, my mother had been mistreated by her church and those involved within the church. Because of this, I considered myself an atheist from ages 6-18!! Pretty bold claims for a six year old! I had always attracted strange, unexplainable paranormal experiences but had always convinced myself I was a “liar” or had an “overactive imagination” because this is what I was always told. So, how does someone in an atheist and unsafe environment (the two aren’t related, obviously) find their spirituality? I’ll explain in this next section!
What triggered my awakening?
For legal reasons, this is all a joke 😉 I want to be as candid as possible while also trying to be somewhat PG… but I can’t lie, psychedelics truly opened my mind to the possibility of there being an after life and unseen realm. I am NOT at all advocating for everyone to do psychedelics. If anything, I’m genuinely upset it took the usage of drugs for my mind to be opened to spirituality along with all of my past trauma. Everything I’m about to describe that awakened my spirituality can be achieved while completely sober, especially if you master meditation. The psychedelics expedited my process quickly, but it isn’t necessary. You just need to get to a completely introspective, defenseless headspace where you’re open to the idea of anything being possible. Even the idea of those closest to you potentially being capable of abusing you. I advocate for individual spirituality, not drug usage. I digress… So, I was engaging in hardcore drugs and drinking a lot at the beginning of my high-school career. I got to the point where I had quite a few drug dealer friends and a whole bunch of substances available to me. I was never afraid of psychedelics like most people, I was at a point where I would take anything to just feel something. One day, I took acid without fully understanding what it was. It was a hefty 200ug gel tab, and I felt the urge to make my friend go on a hike with me (something I have literally NEVER done willingly before). We were out on a hike, overlooking a local lake and I zoned out watching the water for what seemed like forever. This was the first time I had ever been defenseless in my head, enough to think about anything and everything. I stopped drinking and using any drugs besides weed and psychedelics after this experience (for the most part). This was a major step for me in terms of my mental health, I began shedding old friends and becoming more introspective inherently. Fast forward a year or so, I am 17 and about to become an adult. A few huge things started happening within a couple months, so try to keep up! At this point, I was very familiar with psychedelics but felt like something was still missing. I had no belief system, and still couldn’t remember anything before the age of 12, at least not more than a few distinct memories. There was still some missing information I hadn’t tried analyzing or even inquiring about. My friend who introduced me to psychedelics started talking about a drug called “DMT”. This was the first time I actually researched a drug before doing it, and discovered some interesting information. A certain type of DMT actually helps meth addicts stop engaging in that behavior, they apparently see “God” and never feel the need for hard drugs again (look it up!). I sure was intrigued after learning this! I also learned that DMT is found in all living beings and is released when we die. Therefore, it makes this experience the closest thing to dying. Sounds scary, I know. A couple weeks leading up to me doing DMT, my family and I got together to watch a documentary on Michael Jackson and his predatory behavior towards children. For some unknown reason (unknown at the time), this triggered a major argument in my family. I’ll leave everyone anonymous because I don’t want someone to sue me. One of the members of our family, let’s call him Tom, decided to not see this movie with us. They claimed that Michael Jackson and his behavior was utterly disgusting and they would never be able to sit through it. After the film, my family got very emotional and angry. One of my siblings asked why Tom was ever allowed to be alone with the children in our family. I began sobbing and didn’t know why. The eldest member of our family silenced my sibling and told them they were being irrational and disrespectful. I didn’t know why I was upset, so I thought maybe it was for the reasons the eldest member had mentioned. I started defending Tom and it didn’t feel right. There was a weird feeling among all of us after watching that movie. I went home and tried to put it out of my mind and did so successfully. I’ll come back to this topic in a second. But, fast forward a couple weeks and it’s my eighteenth birthday! This day is forever engrained in my head because of how memorable it was. My friends threw me a party and there was weird drama so I stayed in my friend’s car the whole time, I was becoming extremely sensitive to other’s emotions. My friend pulled out a cart of DMT, similar to a wax pen that you’d use for smoking weed. I was awkwardly sat in the passenger seat with a girl who hated me right next to me, and a dude I had been dating for a few weeks in the backseat. So, not an ideal psychedelic setting. Regardless, I had a truly life changing experience that I’ve only shared with a select few before now. I won’t go into detail because this would be twenty pages long, but I took my first hit and knocked out. All of my anxious thoughts came flooding in. One by one, I dismantled these thoughts and saw the irrationality in them. The final thought that came to mind was “I hope the people in this car don’t think I look ugly right now…”, and as soon as I told myself “Who cares?! Your soul goes beyond this body!” I “blasted off”. It felt like I had literally left my body and traveled through space on time. I saw my “ancestral ancestors” and they were all light blue/indigo hued spirits. I didn’t fully see them until I took another hit. I began asking every question I could think of and felt an insane amount of peace and tranquility that goes beyond words. I felt as if I had known them my entire life, even longer. I pleaded to stay and be with them forever, but, they communicated back “No, you haven’t completed your life mission yet,” and I woke up from my trance to hear that I had been gone for 20mins. It felt like a year. I know, I know, put me in the psych ward now… Growing up, I would cry myself to sleep most nights. Usually silently, so I wouldn’t wake my sibling who shared a room with me. When I would begin to cry and go into an episode of quiet shaking and hyperventilating, a bright blue light would fall over me and I would immediately feel zen and drift off peacefully to sleep. Maybe this is just my coping mechanism and a weird coincidence, but the connection between that and my blue-spirited ancestors has always stuck with me. After this insane experience, I truly became claircognizant (meaning: gaining psychic knowledge or spiritual knowledge from within; knowing things to be factual without having a logical basis.) I started reading EVERYONE. I would go to parties and make people cry because I had met them that night and knew their whole life story. I started to reign it in a bit after this and realized it was a bit rude to do that unprovoked. I also had yet to use this skill on myself much. It was as if I were afraid of finding out too much about myself. All that changed when I started reading for my sibling whom became a little obsessed for a couple days. They asked me every question under the sun in reference to their life. This went on for a while and then I said, “I feel like you still need to ask me something… we aren’t done.” They started to get a bit annoyed with me because they couldn’t figure out what else to ask about themself. Then, their eyes got wide and sad and they asked “Why have I always felt like Tom did something to you?” I broke down completely as the memories and realization of what happened to me came flooding in. I moved out of my unsafe environment that night, and a family member graciously took me in while many others began to disown me in their own, hurtful way. It was a dark time, even with my new-found spirituality on my side. The universe was really hitting me with some tough stuff at this time. I was feeling perpetually alone, lost, and confused. My whole world was changed. To make matters worse, I had to get my tonsils removed shortly after moving. I also needed to finish my last month and a half of high-school with 8+ credits (not including the classes I was already enrolled in) left in order to graduate. This sounds like an overstatement but I assure you it isn’t, I will even try to find my final class credits. When I got my tonsils removed, I was prescribed liquid codeine and for whatever reason I decided I didn’t need the drugs and could deal with the pain. It was a rough month of healing, but in hindsight I’m proud of my decision. I sat in bed while my only family member living with me would go away for days on end for work. Again, perpetually alone. I began sinking into a depressive state yet again. I began sobbing one day while home alone and then, saw my first real-life premonition. I was NOT on any drugs and had been getting heaps of sleep, so you can be the judge of whether this is true or not. I began seeing images of my future home. I saw my siblings joining me for Christmas in my little cabin. I lived alone with my dog and could feel a sense of peace. I saw a wooden swing, a nearby body of water, and huge mountains. I truly believe something divine helped me envision my future so I could find a reason to keep going and not give up on my life journey. This new vision for my future gave me a sense of purpose, being able to host Christmas for my siblings in my dream home fulfilled a desire I didn’t know I had. It gave me a reason to want to graduate and finish strong, no matter how impossible the task seemed. Now, it’s one of my goals to help all of you find your own reasons to keep going when the going gets tough! There’s always light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes it isn’t guaranteed. You need to make it happen for yourself.
By the grace of God, I successfully graduated on time and walked down that stage a brand new woman. To this day, I don’t know how it worked out in my favor.